“Ocean Invasion #2: Nectar for the Orcas”

"Ocean Invasion #2: Nectar for the Orcas"

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“Ocean Invasion #1: Octopus arborealus”

“K-T“

I love it more than almost anything, but there are two weeks of Spring that are quite hellish for me.  You see, I am incredibly allergic to Oak pollen (most species but not all).

This fact has lead to a tragic event for me and my place in the Great Darwin Beard Challenge – a mishap involving pollen, drugs, sleep, and ravenous beasts.

I awoke with the tell-tale symptoms: swollen eyes, a Tommy-gun sneezing fit, and a foggy brain. Yes, the oaks were having sex and the fruits of their lust were ravaging my insides.

So I took some pretty hardcore antihistamines and sat in a chair in my front lawn to flaunt my chemical invulnerability to the trees’ love weapons. Alas, the antihistamines knocked me out cold.

Now everyone who has lived in the rural deciduous forests of North Carolina knows that you should NEVER fall asleep outside in the daytime.

NEVER EVER!

But in my drug-laden mind I had thrown caution to the wind, leaving my beard as an irresistible free meal to those nasty predators of woolen faces: the native Keratinovorous Dwarf Bears (Hirsutophagous imaliari).

Much to my dismay, my wife had photographed the entire ensuing feast. Apparently she found it too funny to awaken me (in her defense, being an original city-girl she was unaware of the almost certain transmission of virus I was receiving – see below).

Keratinovorous Dwarf Bears making a snack of my beard as I lie unconscious from the antihistamines.

Look what they did to my beard!

Damn you Dwarf Bears!!

Furthermore, it is a well-known fact that the Keratinous Dwarf Bears carry a virus that renders humans infertile (see the 1997 Science article for more info). Thus it seems that I have left this competition in a truly Darwinian fashion: unfit to spread my genes to the population.

Thus, I am saddened to leave this greatest of beard contests disgraced and shamed.

Saddened, impotent, and infertile I leave the Great Darwin Beard Challenge behind...

I’d like to thank Kevin Zelnio (Deep Sea News, The Other 95%), Andrew “The Southern Fried Scientist” and David “whysharksmatter” (both of Southern Fried Science), and the also-shaven “David2″ for the opportunity to compete with such woollenly adapted men. It has been great fun and I wish those stupid dwarf bears had not eliminated me from the running for “Most Darwinesque Beard.”

May the three of you remain bearded and fertile for the remainder of the competition!

Great Darwin Beard Challenge History:

• The Origin: Deep Sea News, Southern Fried Science, Biochemical Soul
• Week 1: Biochemical Soul, Deep Sea News
• Week 2: Southern Fried Science – Hats
  
• Week 3: Biochemical Soul – Hardcore
  
• Week 4: Biochemical Soul – The Mugshots
• Week 5: Southern Fried Science – “The Colbert”
• Month 2: Southern Fried Science

Great Darwin Beard Challenge History:

• The Origin: Deep Sea News, Southern Fried Science, Biochemical Soul
• Week 1: Biochemical Soul, Deep Sea News
• Week 2: Southern Fried Science – Hats
  
• Week 3: Biochemical Soul – Hardcore
  
• Week 4: Biochemical Soul – The Mugshots
• Week 5: Southern Fried Science – “The Colbert”

Redneck Daniel (me - left) and Mitch (right)

Here’s a good laugh for your monday: a redneck child (me) in Hooks, Texas. Yes – we ate them squirrels.

While I somehow managed to escape true redneckdom, I still have very strong “country boy” roots. Mitch still remains fairly redneck. Sorry bro, you know it’s true (though he has outgrown some of it in the past few years).

I find this funny because you can clearly see my more animal-friendly biologist tendencies already on display in the manner in which I hold the squirrel.

Here’s a challenge – how many hilarious details can YOU spot in this image? There are quite a few.

All that’s missing is the rat-tail that only came a few years later…

Thus I have taken on the reigns of presenting this week’s Great Darwin Beard Challenge images.

For those of you new here (and I know there are several due to my Science Blogging: The Future of Science Communication & Why You Should be a Part of it), check out the links at the bottom for previous installments. The short of it: from Darwin’s birthday in February to the anniversary of the Origin of Species in October, we are competing for the title of “Most Darwinesque Beard.”

Each week, we generally have some theme for the images, mainly just to keep ourselves entertained and distract us from the itchiness and rejections from our significant others.

Kevin’s instructions this week were to take “mugshots. Try to look as criminally insane as possible.”

Great Darwin Beard Challenge - Week 4 (click for larger)

Participants: Andrew, the Southern Fried Scientist of Southern Fried Science, Kevin of Deep-Sea News and The Other 95%, Me, David “WhySharksMatter” also of Southern Fried Science, and David2 marine graduate student without a blog.

Personally, I think that I win the “criminally insane” look. David1 definitely has the “mentally challenged” look going for him. Andrew just looks guilty and perhaps drugged. Kevin and David2 both have the “yeah – I did it – whatcha gonna do about it” look.

Next week will be hosted by David at Southern Fried Science. Thereafter, we will be moving to biweekly updates of the contest. Technically, we are in Week 5 right now – these images are from last week.

Great Darwin Beard Challenge History:

• The Origin: Deep Sea News, Southern Fried Science, Biochemical Soul
• Week 1: Biochemical Soul, Deep Sea News
• Week 2: Southern Fried Science
• Week 3: Biochemical Soul

The answer comes, quite naturally, to all who discover that certain magical stage of hirsute facial existence. There is but one purpose – one singular defining function of this keratinized expression of manhood: to look like a bad-ass.

Thus, we now present to you Week 3 of the Great Darwin Beard Challenge in a new order of presentation.

Great Darwin Beard Challenge Week 3 (click for larger version)

Though our voyage of Darwinian proportions has only just begun, in time we shall bridge our initial childish faces with the woolen wisdom of Darwin himself gracing our chins.

Unless I get an interview…

Join us over at Deep-Sea News for Week 4 in our quest to look a little more like the man himself in our Great Darwin Beard Challenge.

Great Darwin Beard Challenge History:

• The Origin: Deep Sea News, Southern Fried Science, Biochemical Soul
• Week 1: Biochemical Soul, Deep Sea News
• Week 2: Southern Fried Science

In honor of the flatfishes...

The above image arrived in my email inbox last night from the preeminent coral reef expert and blogger extraordinaire Rick MacPherson of Malaria, Bedbugs, Sea Lice & Sunsets.

The subject line simply read “I’m just sayin…”

The pun came from his recent Carnival of the Blue #22 in which he wrote of my post on Flatfish Eyes & Recapitulation Theory :

More Weird Fish Eyes
If you still need some additional fish weirdness, Carnival of the Blue first-timer (hopefully long-timer) Daniel Brown of Biochemical Soul dredges-up memories of 9AM Developmental Biology class as he explores the evolution of flatfish eyes. This post has it all… some ontogeny, some phylogeny, some eyeball migration. Perhaps with the right encouragement we can get Daniel to focus exclusively on the ocean and change his blog title to Biochemical Sole?

Rick’s wit never ceases…

Go check him out to see what I mean.

I’m actually finding myself craving fish now.

It seems a long way from here to our bushy-bearded Darwinian goals. The “contest” will end on October 1st, the 150th anniversary of the inside cover date of the 1st edition of The Origin of Species – we began on Darwin’s 200th birthday, February 12th.

Tiring of simple photographs of our burgeoning bearded faces, Andrew instituted a theme of “hats” this week. Apparently in the Southern Fried Science world, “enormous fake afro” is synonymous with “hat.”

What will next weeks theme be?  Who knows. Give us some ideas.

We will be rotating through the blogs of Deep Sea News, Southern Fried Science, and here – so be sure to visit all three weekly

Great Darwin Beard Challenge History:

• The Origin: Deep Sea News, Southern Fried Science, Biochemical Soul
• Week 1: Biochemical Soul, Deep Sea News

“im a man in panties”
“Sarah Palin is a idoit”
“end of human race dna replication”
“truckpulling black widow”
“preparing for world war iii”
“i’m not even sure we exist same level of consciousness”

I have no idea how most of those came to me.

Really…